Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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