Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
