He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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