I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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