I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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