You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
