There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
where am i from again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
