I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If that was your dad, he is hot
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
