I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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