I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
