i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
