you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
