saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
