He kissed a someone with a penis
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
