I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
