I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
