I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
