Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
