So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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