whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize