Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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