My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
