Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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