why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
