Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
