I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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