I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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