Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
