I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
