have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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