Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
