I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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