I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
