currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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