I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
