Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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