Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
