you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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