Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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