I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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