yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
