I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
