I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
