My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
