If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize