Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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