im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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