his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Even my vagina gasped.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
