they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
