I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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