your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize