We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
