yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
