life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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