I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
