Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
