he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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