good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize