im drinking this country out of the recession.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
