i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
