I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
