Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
