Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
