How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
