He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
