this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
