the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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